Hair
by MissCrookedSmile
Summary: Flash wonders why Superman and Batman haven't got any more body hair than they do. Batman takes the opportunity to pull his leg.


"You know what has always wondered me about you guys?" Flash said while running a towel through his hair.

They had just finished a training exercise that ended in a slimy confrontation with some of J'onn's new updates. The training room now featured organic creatures, which acted very differently from the 'bots they usually fought. Superman and Wonder Woman's punches would either bounce back or make the monsters explode in a gore of slimy, plantlike material. As a result, nobody wanted to drag the mess in to their private quarters. Instead they hit the showers in the room next to the court.

"It keeps my sleepless at night" Batman answered sternly while passing by. Flash ignored his sarcastic remark and kept going, directing his speech to Superman instead.

"How come you guys have this thick, black hair but no chest hair? Do you wax to avoid friction or something?"

Clark was already putting a fresh pair of tights on. He didn't mind the question.

"I don't know," he replied, "I just never had any real body hair. Not on my chest, not on my arms or my legs. It even takes me weeks to grow the hint of a beard. I guess it's a Kryptonian feature."

"Oh, right." Flash answered back enlightened. "Like Asians!" He turned around to face Batman as he put his own suit on in a microsecond.

"But what about you, Bats? You're all American, right? "

"None of us are all American" Bruce answered coldly. "Except perhaps Aztek, Raven and Dawn".

He rubbed his shine. It had acted up again, forcing him to pull to the right. He probably had to enforce the suit with something to keep it from giving away under him the next week or so.

"You know what I mean. You even have thick hair on your forearms and shines. Come on, do you do it for the ladies?" Flash blinked and made a catlike sound. Ever since he had learned that Batman and Bruce Wayne was the same man, he had kept coming with remarks on how much money the man had or how many supermodels he had to know. Batman ignored him the best he could, but sometimes he would throw in a show stopper. Mostly a lie. Just to amuse himself.

"You really want to know?" he answered jauntily with a raised brow and a crooked smile. Flash took the bait and nodded eagerly.

"It is for the ladies, isn't it?"

Batman leaned in, as if he wanted to tell his teammate a juicy secret. Flash of course leaned in as well.

"I used to have a thick layer of black, flourished chest hair. But because I've had to be stitched up at least once a week in my chest area alone for as long as I've done the cape and cowl, I decided to remove it all permanently. It makes it easier to sterilize wounds in the cave and faster to glue injuries shot in the field."

"Really?" Flash said astonished, still leaned in close to Batman. "How did you do that?"

"Laser removal" Batman answered. "Shortly after the press noticed the transformation, a new tone of style was set for men in Gotham. Soon after, all women desired hairless chests."

"Really?" the Flash asked, intrigued by the fact that Bruce Wayne could dictate such a huge effect in society.

"No" Batman added, patting the baffled guy twice on the back before walking over to a locker where he kept a spare uniform. The flabbergasted leaguer, known for being faster than lightening, still stood in his leaning-in-position when Green Lantern passed him.

"Man, sometimes you're just too easy" his other teammate laughed, while pushing him out of the locker room next to himself.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Superman looked at Batman's damaged back. Almost every square inch covered with a bruise or some kind of scar tissue.

"You really did that?"

"Of course not." Batman said before turning around. Clark caught a quick glimpse of his chest as well, just as Batman pulled down his shirt. It was even more hurt than his back. Two places were even freshly sewn up, one of them leaking a light yellow substance.

"Selina hates it, so I wax." He put on the cape and pulled up his cowl on his way out. He sometimes feared for the world: Having men that easily fooled to protect it.


End file.
